First of all, congratulations on opening a new chapter of your life by meeting the person you will love the most in this world.
I am writing this letter to you, who are leaving the family you have lived with until now and creating a new family of your own, to share a few words I hope you will keep in mind.
First, I hope you will eat a small amount of vegetables and a sufficient amount of protein every morning.
Trusting too much in the belief that you were born with a strong stomach, and using the excuses of being busy with life or having no time to study, you have spent more than thirty years skipping breakfast or keeping it very simple.
Now that you are well past thirty, as you already know, your body is no longer what it used to be, and the time has come when you sometimes suffer from trivial gastritis and indigestion. Now that you have started a new family, your health no longer belongs solely to you; it also belongs to your husband and to the children you will have in the future. With this sense of responsibility, no matter how busy you are, I hope you will maintain your health by eating a small amount of vegetables and enough protein every morning.
Whatever happens, I hope you will keep an attitude that puts your own body first. Our family, including Kang, who loves you, hopes not that you become a better psychological counselor than Dr. Oh Eun-young, but that you will have one more reason to smile each day.
Second, I hope you will not live your life chasing happiness.
In life, happiness and unhappiness always come together. No matter how much one wishes only for happiness, life cannot be filled only with bright, joyful days.
Only after enduring a winter that makes your cheeks ache and your bones feel cold to the core do the buds of spring feel truly welcome. The unhappy moments in life that come to everyone from time to time—yet inevitably—seem to remind us of how warm the texture of the small joys we enjoy really is.
Happiness and unhappiness may be like light and darkness. Just as darkness does not exist separately but is simply the absence of light, perhaps happiness and unhappiness are not separate either, and happiness is simply the absence of unhappy events. So I hope you will not miss the moments that always stay quietly by your side while chasing a state called happiness that may not even exist.
I hope you become someone who can find happiness in a cup of coffee quietly shared with the person you love on a peaceful weekend morning.
Third, I hope you will acknowledge that you guys are different.
Everyone lives by placing their own philosophy on a rhythm they have created for themselves. You and Kang chose love, but the two of you clearly grew up in different environments, receiving love and giving love in different ways.
You tend to think of love as the two of you becoming one in both body and mind. But as you live on, there are moments when you realize that some things are fine to do together and some are fine to do separately—or perhaps even better that way. If I, who enjoy playing badminton together, always wanted to play badminton with you, who enjoy swimming alone, it would not be a very enjoyable day for either of us. You may be someone who feels at ease only when everything is shared and done together, while Kang may be someone who thinks it is fine for each person to do some things separately.
Such differences are not about who is right or wrong; they are simply “that person’s preference.” I hope you do not make the mistake of looking for right and wrong in the realm of preferences.
At times, you may feel frustrated because you think the two of you are too different. When that happens, I hope you remember that those very differences are what led you to marriage. If he had been exactly the same as you, there would have been nothing to learn, nothing to grow from, and nothing to expand. I hope you never experience the lonely yet common tragedy in which the very reason one comes to love someone eventually becomes the reason one comes to dislike that person.
To Kang,
Welcome to becoming a member of our family, and thank you for accepting Hyebin as a member of yours.
You have made a choice that was not easy. You have my sympathy for the hardship ahead.
Since I have known Hyebin longer than you have, I will give you one tip. I will say it in your language.
“A gentle answer turns away wrath.” This is from Proverbs 15:1 in the Old Testament.
This is especially useful when Hyebin is full of anger or makes a difficult request. For example, when Hyebin asks you to do something that is really hard to accomplish, you should say, “Ah, Hyebin must be having a really hard time because of this. I’ll try to solve it somehow, so please wait a little.” Then take some time. After that, go back and say, “Ah… I really did my best, but there really is no way. What should we do? I’m sorry.” And if possible, complain together about the object of the problem.
The amazing thing about this method is that you do not actually need to solve the problem. With your warm words, Hyebin has already felt that she is loved. That is exactly the point. What we need is not to solve the problem, but simply to help Hyebin realize that she is being cared for.
I have countless other tips I would like to give, but due to time constraints I will omit them. If you encounter difficulties as you live your life together, please feel free to contact me anytime.
Lastly, I would like to respectfully say a few words to both families’ parents. Above all, you have truly worked so hard raising such precious children so well. It seems that only because of parents’ deep care and boundless love could such a wonderful man and woman meet and bear fruit on this day filled with blessings.
To both sets of parents, do you remember the moment when you first taught your child how to ride a bicycle? The children who moved from a tricycle to a four-wheeled bicycle, and eventually even took off the training wheels to ride on two wheels. Watching them from behind, you must have hurried after them, worried they might fall. As you know well, if a child is to ride a bicycle on their own, at some point you must let go of the hand holding them from behind. I hope you will show the wisdom to cheer on the new family these two well-grown adults are creating, to trust and watch over the mistakes they may make, and to let go of the hands you are holding so that the two of them can write their own story together.
Now I will put aside my meddling and bring this to a close.
Hyebin, Father repeatedly said that when a daughter marries, she becomes someone of another household, but I do not think that way. Whenever you are struggling, we are always here. Even if no one else is, I am here. Always think that you have a shoulder to lean on, and live freely and fully as you wish.
Once again, I sincerely congratulate the two of you on your marriage. Thank you.